Lame… That’s not dark. It sounds like some pixie dust that works based on the power of love or some sissy thing like that. It should have UndeadViews that feeds on human sacrifices and the blood of virgins. It also feeds on the blood of virgins, which is always a plus.
Phoenix is also a lame name. It should be renamed to vampyre. It’s like a vampire but darker because Y is a cooler letter. Also, a phoenix isade up of fire, which brings light and warmth and joy. A vampyre is cold, and heartless and slowly saps yout sanity.
Core contributors Chris McCord and José Valim should be referred to as the Twin Counts of Dread Christos Americus and Yosephus Brazilius, and they should ritually murder and drink the blood out of the remaining contributors, because the Twin Counts of Dread do not share the arcane power.
The docs should be rewritten in ominous-sounding latin and quote liberally from passages of holy books from several religious traditions, but twisted and perverted beyond recognition.
In nomine vampirus, latentia reducta est. Microsecundus responsum habeas. Sanguinatorum virginicus contaminatus est. Yosephus dominhs absolutus est! Vivat rex imperator! Dominus vult!
