Bad programmer seeking mastery - no passion for programming

I was in a similar situation, where I did everything to try and escape coding. I tried learning a new language (not a programming languages), tried getting a different education. But having nowhere else to go, I did coding in between, and am now at a company that I really enjoy working for, and will probably keep coding for a long time. Even though I consider myself a (reliable) mediocre coder.

Things in short that made me realise I do like coding:

• 3± year experience in the same area will get you over that bump, where everything is hard, to where everything is more easy. Then you can put in more of your creative mind.
• (personal) Accepting that you are a geek. I rejected being OK with loving games, coding etc, and not loving parties etc. Now I am more OK with it. Much better quality of life.
• My first job was pretty horrible. Toxic colleagues mostly. Which made me think all coding jobs would be like that, while it was actually the company itself that was the issue. Took me a while to get over that.
• The company might not suit you. Good colleagues are super important

I think this is a good point from @JorisKok, the joy of programming isn’t the entry of code into the editor. It’s the joy of using data structures and algorithms to represent the solution to problems - the more creative part of the process. So if you get sufficiently proficient at the translation of data structures and algorithms into code it becomes more enjoyable to program - being the higher level creative process. And in addition, your code itself will probably get better too. Just my opinion of course.

Now if you said you had to program in BAL or write the towers on Hanoi on an IMLAC PDS4 where you had to manually manage display refresh then for sure I’d say go find another career. These days its all just luxury in the development world

Thanks @kip and @JorisKok. But how do I get to this higher level creative process?

I’m not passionate about any specific idea to go build it. So the advice “build something you want to use” or “build for yourself” falls on deaf ears. I feel like an idiot even asking this question.

Whenever I ask a question like this, I sometimes I get quit your job or change jobs as the answer but that is absolutely not an option. I have made my bed and now I must lie on it.

You should not feel at all stupid for asking, its a very reasonable question. But probably not one other people can or should answer for you.

In my view it’s pretty important not to define yourself by the work that you do. Sometimes a job is just a job and thats perfectly OK.

On the opposite of @kip, I don’t really like using data structures or algorithms. Well, I do like it at some point but that’s not what I can consider a joy in coding, and that’s absolutely not the reason I keep coding almost every day.
In fact, there’s 2 things I like in coding:

• the smile of the face of the end user when the product is good and fits his/her desire. That’s the best and even if the programming language / framework is awkward (which has happened most of the time in my case), if I can have this thing, it’s ok
• the power of the laziness. Less I code, less I have to debug code, the happier I am. Then I have to be more clever (but I am not really that clever, though) and able to use lots of tools to achieve this. For example, I don’t like devops, but deploying safely with just a click on “Accept Pull Request” is soooooo good that I accept to get over my aversion, get the things done and enjoy my one-click-deploy each I do it.

During a long time, I was seen as alien because I was doing dev jobs and saying that I’m not interested in coding, rather in the project, and that I don’t code at home and in fact I know a lot more about art theory than about programming languages. But still I can do good job. Because I like to give end user what they want, or discuss about what they should better want another thing. Which is not the case of devs only interested in tech stuff…

Also, as other said, team is very important!

This. Regardless of the job (e.g. serving coffee, cleaning toilets, whatever…)

If you’re disconnected from the end user you need to fix that.

@mindok @domvas good advice. Thank you both. I will try to build something to get some users.

… or get some users and then build something for them. If you have a job now, there’s always someone in the office who wants a simple little tool to make their lives easier.

EDIT: Here’s an example I was reading earlier today: Floor map management system on web, with Leaflet

Passion isn’t mandatory. Caring about doing the work well and crafting something to the best of your abilities might be.

If you can get work that is programming but where the thing you care about is the outcome that can be a different eay of finding the motivation to invest the time. I’ve worked in education software which can be rewarding in many ways. I imagine people writing high stakes financial systems find some motivation in the gravity of their work. Startups are sometimes very motivated by a goal rather than the code made to achieve the goal.

You don’t need to care about programming. But I think caring about what you do can be quite important.

I found the book “So good they can’t ignore you” useful in outlining a path to mastery and what the point of that is. But I don’t share this particular struggle. I’ve lost my love of programming a few times, it always came back when I got ris of stress. I happen to be passionate and self-motivated to do this. But it isn’t necessary.

Best of luck